


if two wrongs don't make a right, try three

by craigtherewhoisahomosexual (Ashtarok)



Series: and kenny makes three [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Aftercare, Double Anal Penetration, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oh, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Public Orgasms, Sex, Threesome - M/M/M, Verbal Humiliation, Vibrators, craig is drunk but had expressed interest more than several times when sober, craig lovs it tho dw, i think that's the gist, if you don't love loud craig bitching about wanting to get fucked this fic isn't for you, in general if you don't enjoy craig's ass getting satisfied this fic DEFINITELY isn't for you, there's a handful of briefly mentioned kinks but basically they dip into bdsm a fair bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 03:48:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13825845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashtarok/pseuds/craigtherewhoisahomosexual
Summary: “Pay attention, Kenny, I’m gonna show you how to properly seduce one Craig Tucker.”





	if two wrongs don't make a right, try three

**Author's Note:**

> it early. i made this for a good friend who rocked my stupid world. i am tired. pls accept. it's been roughly beta'd but there's prolly some fuck-ups still ily. the title means nothing i just wanted something w/3 mentioned... haha

Clyde and Craig were usually fairly inseparable. Attached at the hip, in each other’s pockets, two peas in a pod, however you wanted to describe it. It was a fairly brutal form of friendship, with a significant amount of shitting on each other, shoving, pranks that went too far, and truly horrid nicknames— but it was deep and strong. There were occasional spats that got a bit too rough, but they’d never truly had anything earth-shattering come up between them.

Until now. Their friendship, unfortunately, was on the thinnest of ice because one Craig Tucker hadn’t gotten his ass fucked in over a week. 

“Well, it’s a little more complicated than that,” Clyde relented, taking another swig of his soda and sighing as he settled himself more comfortably into a dramatic sprawl against the community couch. He was holding court with the majority of their floor, who had congregated in the living area to study and whine at each other about having to study. Somebody (Butters) had procured snacks for everybody to share, and revising was long forgotten by now; open books pushed to the side and ruffled papers hastily shoved together to avoid being trodden on.

“See, okay.” Clyde surveyed the room again leisurely, enjoying himself immensely. There were quite a few intrigued faces staring back at him, and he snorted as he took another sip of Mountain Dew. “Craig is… I don’t know the correct term. He’s like a nympho? He’s at his best-functioning self with at least one, more is better, orgasm a day usually from something up his ass,” he explained. There were a lot more stares now, side conversations dying down as nearly everybody turned their attention to Clyde. Tweek rubbed a hand against the back of his neck, looking Clyde in the eye before huffing. 

“Should you, nh, really be telling everybody this?” he asked pointedly, although he had to admit there was nothing but truth to it. Token made a brief noise of agreement, which Jimmy echoed for solidarity. Kenny shushed them, nudging against Tweek’s shoulder with a grin on his face.

“Let the man speak,” Kenny urged, and Tweek rolled his eyes affectionately. 

“I normally wouldn’t,” Clyde protested. “You guys know I normally wouldn’t! But, fucking hell _ ,  _ he’s been a raging bitch. He’s on a warpath! His fancy vibrator broke mid-use, apparently, last week, and I came home 3 hours later to him stress-cleaning our room. He called me a disgusting slob and then raged for rest of the night as he organized and tidied  _ everything.  _ I left a tee shirt on the floor in my haze to go shower the next morning, no biggie, and you would’ve thought I ripped his dick off and tried to feed it to his grandma from his overreaction. Craig’s slamming all the doors, he yelled at how messy my bed was while I was still  _ on  _ it, I’m no longer allowed to go around half-naked in my own room, and he was ready to slit my throat for daring to come at 10pm the other night. I cannot take this!” He slammed down his half-empty can onto the arm of the couch in emphasis, the sound far too soft to have the dramatic effect he was aiming for.

“Well, okay, ah. You’re right, he has been a little keyed-up this week,” Tweek admitted and Clyde outright scoffed.

“A little keyed-up? He’s a level 11 mega thundercunt! I’d say he has a fucking stick up his ass, but if he  _ did  _ we wouldn’t be having these problems,” Clyde grumbled bitterly. “He’s a train wreck and the fact it’s midterms week is the piss cherry on the dog shit sundae.” He was over his sob story by this point, finishing his soda with little fanfare. “So yeah. Craig’s an insatiable asshole, quite literally, there’s the scoop.”

The room was silent in shock as his tirade came to an end but quickly dissolved into tittered laughs and whispers amongst themselves. Tweek shifted uneasily, leg beginning to bounce as he petted the carpet, displeased that Clyde had shared this news with almost literally their entire floor and even more unhappy knowing Craig was confirmed to be miserable and coping poorly. That was his best friend, damn it, and former boyfriend slash current fuckbuddy.

He was startled from his thoughts by a warm weight settling on his back, freezing to see Kenny looking at him sympathetically. He gave Tweek’s shoulder a brief squeeze, gesturing towards the door. Tweek sprang up instantly, leaving his books as he obliged by ducking out into the hallway, just as fucking Stan piped up, gleefully, “I always fucking knew that guy was a slutty bottom.” (Kyle’s retort followed in mere seconds: “so are you, you gigantic idiot” before the door shut behind Kenny.)

“Poor fucking Craig,” Tweek exploded immediately, frowning as he drummed his hands on his thighs. “I mean, he’s definitely been a bit cruel to Clyde, but shit. I feel awful, gh, knowing he’s been suffering this whole time. I know he saved up for like fucking months for that toy. It was like $250!” He started to pace in a tight, dizzying circle, and Kenny watched him with raised eyebrows. 

“Shit, I’d be put out if I broke a $250 vibrator,” he snorted, sticking his hands in his pockets and briefly rocking back on his heels. “I’d probably cry, actually,” Kenny considered. “I’d be a shithead too. Do you think we could maybe help him?” Kenny said thoughtfully as Tweek stopped wearing a track in the shitty hall carpet for a few seconds. He fixed a surprisingly fierce gaze on Kenny, who felt slightly taken aback by those blazing eyes. Tweek wasn’t a man who made easy, frivolous eye contact, much preferring to glance around constantly for threats like the paranoid mess he was, but when he did you felt the full steady weight of him considering you.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking then?” Tweek asked abruptly after a few moments of silent staring, intense and focused. Kenny swallowed.

“I mean, if we beg around a little, put in an extra shift or two, we could probably buy him a new one?” Kenny offered. Tweek sliced a dismissive hand through the air, stepping closer. 

“I’m sure he’s already saving up, but it’s likely out of stock. I remember, gah, it took him almost a month to get the vibrator after buying it, and they said it could be up to three,” he informed Kenny, shivering with pent-up energy. Kenny was almost a little intimidated; Tweek wasn’t gigantically tall or hugely muscled by any stretch of the imagination, was in fact several inches shorter than himself, but when he was animated and worked-up he was reminiscent of a lightning tube: barely-contained, volatile kinetic energy. This time, Kenny didn’t mind the electricity, not when Tweek was acting like a madman with the best idea he’d ever had. 

“So, what were you thinking then?” Kenny asked slowly. The tube cracked; lightning escaped in a viciously triumphant arm sweep and maniacal grin. 

“What’s better than a, ah!, luxury dildo, Kenny?” Tweek asked rhetorically, clearly excited. “Two alive, fully-functioning dicks attached to Craig’s type!”

“What.” Kenny couldn’t even bother to make it into a question, any guess at where he was going with this thoroughly derailed. Tweek gesticulated wildly between the two of them as as he bounced up and down aggressively on the balls of his feet.

“Listen, dude, Craig’s been attracted to, ah, you for ages, I’ve always thought you were handsome, and I have had the pleasure of pounding that ass many times, as you know,” Tweek said impatiently. “I can’t handle Craig alone though, especially, gh, especially not when he’s this fucking worked-up. I got him wasted a couple months ago at Bebe’s birthday party. His ultimate fantasy is the both of us dp’ing him, but he’d rather be buried alive than admit that shit sober. I highly doubt he even remembers he let that slip.”

“He… he likes me?” Kenny double checked doubtfully. He’d thought that ship sailed a long time ago. Any and all previous flirtations with Craig had ended in wounded pride, or, more commonly, a black eye or busted lip. 

“Yes, he likes you. I like you too,” Tweek snorted. “Jesus, Kenny, are we in, ngh, middle school again? He thinks you’re handsome, he loves your eyes, and he wants your cock. Happy? It’s not my fault you decided to get in his pants at all the wrong times. Craig insists he doesn’t want a relationship right now,” a brief eye roll was thrown in here, “but I’m one of his best friends, ah, and unlike his other best friend, I also know what he needs sexually and romantically.” 

“Which is… to be impaled by two of his friends… simultaneously?” Kenny guessed tentatively. Tweek sighed, heavy and exasperated, but at least he no longer looked like a live wire ready to snap at a moment’s notice.

“Well, generally, yes. But Craig needs more than that. College has been stressing him out immensely even before this mess.” Tweek paused to pick at his nails, chewing his bottom lip. “I mean, we all have our coping skills with this, but Craig’s not been handling the change very well at all. You  _ know  _ how anal he is about schedules and shit, hh. He’s been unsettled and off-kilter since we first moved here. He doesn’t want a bunch of one-night stands but he doesn’t want to just date me again either because, ngh, he’s too terrified to admit he wants your dick in him just as much as he wants mine.” 

Flabbergasted, Kenny struggled to find words. “This… this has been going on a lot longer than just this week, huh?” He couldn’t help but preen a little smugly. It had always been a bit of a sore spot for him, Craig’s rejection a tender, little bruise that had never fully healed. Kenny would’ve sworn he could charm almost anybody’s pants off once, but Craig had always been the ever elusive one-that-got-away. He’d harbored no ill will towards Tweek for it, of course. Mostly. Realizing Craig did, in fact, want him was a nice ego stroke. 

“Yeah, I’ve been struggling with a way to broach this for awhile. It’s kinda weird to just outright approach somebody with a, ah, seduction plan for your best friend to rope him into the poly relationship of his wettest dreams,” Tweek deadpanned. “But it’s what he wants.”

Abruptly, Kenny felt almost insurmountably  _ guilty.  _ “Shit, Tweek, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any trouble for your relationship.” Jesus, what if he was the original reason they broke up when they headed into college? 

“Kenny. Buddy. Your dick is great, but it’s not an earth-shattering revelation,” Tweek assured him, mouth twitching to hide his smile. “We split up for college so we could each have an opportunity to potentially find somebody else. I didn’t, ech, but he got a little more intimate with his attraction to you, apparently. I want him happy. I like you. He wants to add you? I’m fine with sharing him. Hell, I’d love to share you, too. Truth be told, he was a fucking, agh, handful in high school and I almost lost my cock to Craig Tucker’s almighty needs. I honestly don’t think I could handle him alone now, if Clyde’s angry ranting about his masturbation habits is to be believed.”

Kenny laughed at that, and Tweek bumped their shoulders together in a friendly way, shaking his head. They were silent for a few moments; Kenny processing as Tweek forced his million-mile-an-hour thoughts to slow the fuck down.

“So stop beating yourself up about it and get psyched that you’re gonna get to wreck Craig with me, bitch,” Tweek directed cheerfully. “He’s a dream. That boy is sex on legs, you’ve seen him. His ass is the best place on this earth, hn, tight and fucking  _ hungry.  _ He’s noisy as shit if you’re doing it right, and it’s hard to fuck up with somebody who loves dick as much as Craig does. We’re gonna blow his fucking mind. He’s gorgeous when he, ah, cries, Kenny. Absolutely stunning.”

“Jesus,” Kenny muttered, slightly winded. “Well alright then. Do you have a plan? I highly doubt he’s gonna let us try this shit until he’s finished midterms.”

“You’re right, he won’t. I vote we get him plastered on Friday night, tease him, work him up, ah. Have him begging for it, a complete mess. But we don’t give in. We’re not fucking drunk Craig. That’s not cool. It’ll be so much nicer when he’s sober on Saturday and blushing like a schoolgirl because he’s finally gonna be able to have exactly what he wants… as long as he asks for it,” Tweek said mischievously, eyes glinting. “Craig hates begging until he’s got a cock in him, nnh. It’s one of my favorite things to get him to do.”

Kenny heaved a rib cage-stretching sigh and shook his head again, still compartmentalizing all of the information that had been unceremoniously dumped on him. “So, we’re… we’re actually going to do this? You’re not fucking with me? That’d be pretty cruel,” he said firmly, squinting at Tweek and looking for any signs of dishonesty. Tweek met his gaze head on and smiled.

“I swear, Kenny. Don’t get me wrong: it’s all up to Craig. But he told me, in  _ very  _ explicit detail, how fucking happy he’d be if the universe decided to line up, ah, and give us to him,” Tweek snorted, shaking his head. “And Kenny, you’re a great guy and you’re gorgeous. We can hang around, gah, you comfortably and you fit. Who wouldn’t want to date you?” he asked rhetorically, as Kenny flushed. “If I didn’t want this, too, I wouldn’t have brought it up. Anyway. Craig cannot handle tequila. Like, at all. He likes to strip, climb on tables and then usually ends up crying into said table. Then it’s back to dancing. Nn, everybody’s gonna wanna party Friday and it’ll be the perfect time.” 

Speaking of the devil, stomping footsteps made their way from around the corner and Tweek hastily shut his fucking mouth as Craig appeared. His posture straightened slightly and some of the absolute grumpiness projecting from him like a physical barrier softened at the sight of them, and Kenny couldn’t help a faint smirk at that. Bad move. Almost instantly, snarly Craig was back.

“Care to wipe that fucking smirk off your face, McCormick?” Craig bit out, opening the living area door with a huff. The room went silent almost immediately and Clyde nonchalantly stood and gathered his things, beginning to sweat. He was having some… slight regrets about spilling the dirt so easily. Stan muttered something to Kyle, and they both broke up into fits of laughter, the rest of the group shifting nervously. Cartman, being… Cartman, broke the fragile silence with the grace of a hippopotamus. 

“So, I hear the reason you’re being such a little bitch is because you aren’t getting dicked down by your favorite vibrator? How’d you break it anyway?” he asked with a snicker. Craig’s face went utterly blank. Clyde broke into terrified laughter and backed away, putting his hands up in the universal  _ I surrender _ gesture. Craig launched himself across the room to deck Cartman square in the jaw without a single ounce of hesitation, watching him go down like the fat sack he was, then whipped around and grabbed Clyde by the collar of his shirt before he could run.

“What the  _ fuck  _ have you been telling everybody, buddy?” he asked slowly, dangerously, and the room got so quiet you could’ve heard a pin drop. Clyde started sniffling, offering a smile through his crocodile tears. 

“Uhhh, listen, Craig, uh.” Craig’s grip slackened just a tiny bit and Clyde ducked out of his shirt and took off, jumping over three people before booking it down the hall screaming. Craig  _ roared  _ and took off after him— but Tweek grabbed him on his way past and latched on like a determined limpet. Frustrated, he tried to push Tweek off, but he held on tight and Craig couldn’t run with somebody clinging to him.

“Get off! I’m gonna fucking kill him!” Craig growled, shoving at him. Tweek snorted and shook his head, hanging on tightly with his full weight as Craig stumbled into the hallway wall.

“As cranky as you’ve been this week, you’ll end up doing something you’ll, agh, regret, babe,” Tweek told him firmly, abruptly planting his feet back on the ground before hauling Craig off of his own. He startled and started struggling, all stupid gangly legs, so Tweek put him down and instead latched onto his back and started scratching at his scalp. Craig… melted, predictably. 

Tweek ran his spindly fingers thoroughly through Craig’s longest bit of hair, playing with the silky strands before pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the very nape of his neck. He let his teeth briefly graze against the bump of his spine and Craig  _ whined.  _ God he smelled good, the familiar smell of his light, citrusy shampoo making Tweek’s belly lurch. The door was still open behind them, an angry Cartman making such a typical scene that nobody seemed to notice them— except Kenny. Tweek met his eyes and winked, raking his chipped-polish, blunt, bitten nails down Craig’s back.

“Now, hm, what were you saying?” Tweek asked Craig’s back, as the man himself hunched down slightly with a shiver, clearly distracted. 

“That’s not right,” he groused, taking a deep, slightly unsteady breath. “You’re not playing fair,” Craig pouted, staring down the hall with a slightly forlorn look. Tweek laughed and pressed a lighter kiss against the stubbly bits of his undercut. 

“Craig, when have I ever played fair?” Tweek couldn’t resist asking as he wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, firm and grounding. “Ever?”

“Never,” Craig sighed through a shudder, going limp and relaxed. “Never, you fucking asshole. You and those damn pianist hands. I’m not an instrument for you to play,” he retorted, although his loose body stance and heavy-lidded eyes begged to differ greatly. Kenny was half in awe.

“C’mon, honey, let’s go back to your room,” he coaxed, hip-bumping him forwards a step. “We can eat all of Clyde’s secret snacks and draw dicks on his notes, yeah?” Craig merely grumbled in reply, but started walking nonetheless. Tweek offered Kenny a small wave as a goodbye, guiding Craig down the hall like a nanny dog worrying at his heels. 

It was several hours of hiding in a bathroom before Clyde dared to venture out, hoping that enough time had passed to diffuse the storm that was Craig’s temper tantrums. He practically tiptoed to his room and he was ashen-faced as he eased the door open, but he needn’t have worried; Craig was sprawled out asleep across his own bed, Tweek on his phone with one hand idly playing with his hair from his perch by the headboard. He looked up and smirked. Clyde flipped him off with a groan before collapsing onto his mattress. 

“He devoured all of your chocolate, used a Sharpie to draw a couple of penises on your big binder, mphh, then started cursing out his broken vibrator before running out of steam and passing out,” Tweek informed haughtily. “So you got off relatively scot-free. He even threw the wrappers away instead of burying them under your covers like I suggested.” His hand never left Craig’s hair, busy pulling and gently finger-combing it as Craig peacefully slept, drooling on his comforter. 

“What?” Clyde huffed, disgruntled. “He’s been a shitface all week.”

“You also told the entire floor, kids we’ve been in school with since kindergarten mind you, ngh, that he’s a bottom bitch,” Tweek reminded sharply. “So. I’d leave it be, if you have half a brain. He’s clearly struggling.” Normally Clyde and Tweek were tight as hell; Tweek could easily say Clyde was one of his closest friends. But not when it came to matters about Craig. Craig was on that soulmate level, so he got some extra perks. It was a little different when you’d made somebody cry on your dick, too.

Clyde opened his mouth to retort before closing it again, brows furrowing moodily. “Fine,” he grumbled, rolling over onto his back. “You… maybe, just like, the smallest bit, have a point,” he huffed. 

“Of course I do,” Tweek gloated. Clyde flipped him off and then burrowed under his covers with a sigh.

“I can’t believe you got him asleep. I don’t think he’s been sleeping well. He’s definitely not getting through the night. Bitch is a pacer, just like you, but I can’t say shit even when he’s haunting the room at 4 fucking am.” Clyde hummed consideringly. “Well, I guess I can believe you got him asleep, but I’m surprised it wasn’t because you fucked him.” He frowned again, abruptly. “Actually, why the hell  _ aren’t  _ you fucking him? Craig’s a happy idiot when you two are dating and he’s getting dick on the reg. Fix him. Please. I’ll beg.”

Tweek sighed, glancing at Craig’s peacefully slumbering face. “He hasn’t asked me,” he said slowly. “I know the reason why and I can’t broach or push the subject in the middle of midterms week. Ngh, but don’t worry, okay? We’ve got a plan. Everything will be good this weekend,” he promised him. Clyde nodded slowly before stopping, staring at Tweek thoughtfully.

“... We?” 

“Ah, yeah. Don’t worry your pretty, little head over it. Craig’s gonna end up happy and satisfied, and you’ll never have to, gh, worry about if your best friend’s getting enough cock or not because that’ll be somebody else’s job,” Tweek snorted, shaking his head at them before adjusting himself to a more comfortable position. “Just hang on a few more days. Don’t provoke him. Ignore all the jabs and shit that are supposed to, hh, get you to attack him, he’s being a deliberate shit-stirrer hoping for a reaction. Asshole.” There was nothing but fondness brimming in his tone. Clyde made a soft, pretend gagging sound.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, you’re in love,” he scoffed, smushing his cheek into his pillow and sighing. “Whatever. I just want my best friend back. He’s been replaced by Bitchzilla.”

“Clyde!” Tweek couldn’t stop his startled laughter and Craig stirred slightly with a muzzy rumble. His chest expanded enormously before he let out a deep sigh and fell back into sleep. Tweek muffled a slightly hysterical giggle. “Jesus, you really have the worst nicknames.” 

“Well, he’s certainly deserving of them this week,” Clyde pointed out with a righteous grunt. “It’s fine though. Just. Get him good again, okay? I trust you. Somehow.” Clyde gave him a dubious onceover. “I don’t think you have a clue how to care for yourself, but you know Craig, so. Godspeed and all that.”

And that was that. Tweek left after a few hours, Craig still snoring away soundly, fully-dressed on top of his bedspread. Clyde wasn’t killed… just barely. It was the best way the tense situation could’ve possibly ended. They  _ all  _ struggled through the rest of the week, with many tears, breakdowns, and other unhealthy coping mechanisms. By Friday night, everybody was ready to just fucking go wild. 

“We’re going to Club Karma!” Clyde yelled down the hall from the elevator. “Everybody on third floor is invited! See you—“ the door tried to close on him, and he slammed the open button with a grunt of displeasure, “— there, motherfuckers!” Craig, Tweek, Token, Bebe, Jimmy, Kenny, and Butters were stuffed in there along with him. It was surprisingly subdued considering they were all about to go get absolutely trashed, but everybody was feeling the post-midterms dip where you were absolutely 100% sure you’d failed every test and would be kicked out of school, somehow. Tweek looked ready to collapse, having not slept in about 40 hours give or take. That was fine. He could nap on the ride.

They took the campus bus, 100% taking advantage of Jimmy (although he welcomed it with a shrug and laugh, used to it by now) for priority seats. True to form, Tweek settled into the window with his hoodie bundled up as a pillow and passed out, shoving his feet under Craig’s thigh as he went curled up into a ball. The group got gradually more engaged and excited with each stop bringing them closer and closer to downtown. As soon as they lurched to a halt a few blocks from Club Karma, Clyde was hollering like an idiot, but everybody was so pumped up they yelled with him. The other passengers were less than amused. Probably the only reason they didn’t all get kicked out was because of Jimmy.

Finally, they were there. Everybody piled out, Craig guiding a completely out-of-it Tweek as they converged on the sidewalk outside the club. Kenny sidled up next to them. Slowly, then all at once, Tweek was back, shaking himself off like a wet dog then laughing.

“I’m good, thanks,” he snorted, briefly nuzzling into Craig’s shoulder with an affectionate sigh. “Let’s get fucking blackout drunk, shall we, boys?” Clyde raucously hooted his agreement, to the bemusement of the bouncer. As the group wandered its way inside, Tweek hung back to grab Kenny by the arm for a quick whisper session. 

“What’s up?” Kenny asked him, leaning in close so they wouldn’t be overheard. 

“You really want this?” Tweek said slowly, serious. Luckily Craig was distracted by Clyde throwing his lanky ass over his shoulder like a rag doll and pretending to throw him into the door— before actually accidentally dropping him and having to quickly snatch at Craig’s waist to prevent dumping him on his head. Oops. Tweek carefully settled his hand on Kenny’s arm, fingers briefly closing around his wrist as he met his eyes solemnly.

“Yeah, I said I did,” Kenny assured, brows furrowing slightly as he shuffled his feet. 

“It’s okay if you don’t. Both of us can be a real fucking handful, gah, and I’m afraid we don’t just want a no-strings-attached threesome,” Tweek made sure to stress. “If you want this, you get the whole shebang. Dating. Relationship. A lot of good sex but also, ah, the stupid fights and hard times, too. I mean, of course, depending on Craig— but he’s wanted this for at least the last six months. I want this. Do  _ you  _ want this? Us?” Tweek searched his face intensely. “Do you really?” 

Kenny hesitated, clearly truly, deeply thinking about it. He bit his bottom lip and stuck his hands in his pockets before nervously tugging at one of the strings of his jacket. Finally, Kenny took a steadying breath and answered, with soft truth and quiet confidence, “Yes, I want this. I want him, I want you, I want there to be an  _ us.”  _

“Good,” Tweek sighed with a smile, turning his attention back to the others just in time to see Clyde accidentally (? it was debatable, quite honestly) pants Craig as he clumsily set him down for the bouncer to ID them. Craig immediately yanked his pants up, grateful he’d worn briefs, stomped on Clyde’s foot and then socked him square in the gut. The impact was an audible thump and Clyde immediately doubled over with a wheeze. Thoroughly ruffled but nonetheless haughty, Craig offered his license with a soft scoff, allowing the bouncer to mark his hand with an x to indicate he was underage. They all were, but Tweek had wrangled them a hook-up with Michael and a few of his friends so they’d all be getting plastered, little x or not. 

Just as Kenny, who had somehow ended up last in line, was getting ID’ed, another bus pulled up and the rest of their floor spilled out. Now the whole group was here. Tweek immediately beelined through the crowd towards his friend as soon as they were in the door, disappearing to negotiate alcohol. Kenny found himself standing by Craig, Clyde, and Token, unable to resist giving Craig a quick once over with his eyes considering the plan they had for tonight. He’d been the pretty boy throughout high school, much to his displeasure, and maturity had only treated Craig with utter kindness.

His face had lost its boyish softness, instead becoming a jawline sharp enough to cut glass, his naturally heavy eyelids had gone from ‘I’m constantly exhausted’ to permanent bedroom eyes, and although he still seemed to have no idea how to actually  _ use  _ them, his long legs were practically model goals. The undercut and occasional faint stubble also suited him entirely too well. Tweek seemed to dress him more often than not, since Craig was the epitome of lazy asshole and once tried to wear the same pair of pants everyday for a week straight, and Tweek had about a decade of experience doing it, so he did a damn fine job. Tonight’s look was vans, painted-on jeans (actually scratch that, were those fucking  _ jeggings? _ ) rolled up to show off his ankles, a plain white, thin tee, and an unbuttoned plaid shirt on top of that. The earrings and sunglasses hanging off the collar of the shirt pushed it directly into fuckboy territory, but shit, Craig made it  _ work.  _ Damn him.

Craig shifted his weight and Kenny was startled out of his blatant staring, smirking as Craig accidentally caught his eye and quickly looked away, the faintest hint of pink suffusing his cheeks. It was pretty fitting that Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome was such an eager bitch. Poetic justice. Kenny walked over to stand right next to him; Craig’s blush darkened imperceptibly.

“What do you want?” he grumbled, hunching his shoulders as he tried to put his hands in his pockets. Only Craig had no pockets and instead ended up awkwardly petting at his own thighs for a moment. Definitely fucking jeggings. Definitely fucking jealous of those hands, too. “Where the hell is Tweek?” Craig muttered, peering into the room. “And the damn liquor, Jesus.” 

“He’s right there,” Kenny pointed out. Tweek was easy to spot despite the large group of people. His hair was bright blond, crazily ruffled at almost all times, and he tended to make his own bubble of space by cheerfully pushing people out of the way with his tics making people stay back instead of retaliate. He popped up easily from the hoard of club-goers, holding 3 cups of something pink and fruity-looking. 

“No beer?” Kenny couldn’t help but whine. The look that Tweek gave him suggested, none too kindly, he could shove a beer bottle up his ass. 

“I’d rather chug a half-bottle of Pinnacle without a chaser than take a single sip of any beer that’s ever, ngh, fucking existed, man,” Tweek snapped. “Do you just go crazy for the taste of horse piss? Good for you. Now shut up, ah, and drink your Pink Panther like a fucking bitch.” Craig didn’t even attempt to conceal his laughter, accepting his cup as one of Michael’s friends brought a few other drinks for the rest of group. Kenny obediently took his proffered cup and sipped at it, pouting a little. 

The music switched to something with a heavier, dirtier baseline and the lights dimmed, so Tweek chugged his drink and then gestured for Craig to do so as well. Without a single ounce of hesitation Craig drained his cup, sighing happily at the gentle shoulder squeeze Tweek gave him in return. Hurrying to follow, Kenny shotgunned most of his sickeningly sweet cocktail and then made a face, huffing at the sugary taste stuck in his mouth. Tweek tossed their cups into the trash as they walked past. 

Tweek quickly pulled Michael’s friend to the side and requested two tequila sours, which he had every intention of giving both to Craig. After releasing the guy, who accepted his twenty and made his way towards the bar, Tweek grabbed Craig by his wrist and tugged him more towards where everybody was dancing. He was already a little flushed, toes catching on the floor and making him stumble. Tweek grinned; Craig was a fucking lightweight and always had been. He found it absolutely hilarious, personally. 

“Come on, baby boy, I wanna see those pretty hips move,” Tweek murmured into his ear as he pressed in tightly, unable to resist a brief nip at his exposed throat. Craig shivered and leaned closer subconsciously, a quiet noise escaping his chest as soon as Tweek’s teeth touched his neck. “It’s been a rough week, huh?” Tweek asked, briefly scraping his nails down Craig’s lean torso through his shirt and then yanking him still closer. “Don’t you wanna let loose, babe?” 

“There’s way too many people I know here,” Craig muttered, looking away a bit shyly as Tweek briefly, greedily pet at his abdomen. “More importantly, who know  _ me.  _ I don’t want to do anything too embarrassing,” he growled, glaring as Tweek casually grabbed his ass and squeezed. 

“Shut up, cranky,” Tweek snorted, offering a wink to Kenny as Craig shoved Tweek’s hands off his butt. “You definitely, gh, need more alcohol.” Luckily, Michael’s buddy was back and Tweek insisted Craig take both of the drinks, practically shoving them into his hands.. “C’mon, chug it you big baby. Double fist it.” Craig sighed in the most put-upon way before begrudgingly starting to drink from the right cup. 

Tweek smirked, pushing the bottom of it up so Craig sputtered and had to gulp to get it down instead of all over his face. He finished it in record time, glaring at Tweek as he wiped his chin off and grumbled, then started quickly drinking the second tequila sour. “Good boy,” Tweek told him quietly and Craig’s cheeks flushed instantly, his head ducking down as he curled into himself a bit. Kenny choked on his own drink as well as his tongue, sputtering into his cup and looking away guiltily as Craig straightened his posture and pinned him with a venomous stare. Tweek cupped his jaw and forced Craig to look back at himself.

“Finish it,” he ordered firmly, pulling away slightly so Craig could gulp down his third drink in the first fifteen minutes they’d been here. “Don’t you feel lighter already, sweetheart?” Tweek hummed persuasively. “You look a little hot.” Craig agreed, his face pinkened pleasantly from the alcohol as he started to struggle with his plaid button-up. Tweek helped him slide it off, tossing it at Kenny (who barely caught it, a little distracted) and appreciatively sighing at the way Craig’s tight, form-fitting tee was already dampened and going sheer with sweat. “Aren’t you just, ah, the prettiest little thing? Could eat you up.”

Jesus, Kenny needed another drink. Or six. Tweek flagged down a quick shot for himself, watching Craig’s body loosen up and relax as the alcohol kicked in with calculating eyes. He kicked it back with a faint grimace before throwing away their trash and slipping his fingers through Craig’s belt loops. “Let’s dance, big boy,” Tweek purred, pulling him into the crowd of swaying bodies with a deliberate look at Kenny, who took the fucking hint and followed them covertly. Craig’s height combined with the utterly confident way Tweek carried himself meant they were fairly unchallenged as he led them towards a quieter, darker corner, the lights dimmer and flashing through in slow sweeps that briefly illuminated several couples in fairly intimate positions. 

Tweek caged Craig in towards the wall a little as an absolutely filthy bass drop filled the room. He didn’t start too dirty, mostly just coaxed Craig into leaning closer so he could fit between his broad thighs and kiss him. As soon as Craig started kissing back, Tweek slid his hands up under his shirt and pet at his abdomen, scratching his nails lightly against his happy trail. Craig gasped, pulling back slightly with a wet mouth and heavy-lidded eyes, staring at Tweek as he started to sway with the music, helpless to the beat and the alcohol rushing through him and, most importantly, the sensual way Tweek rubbed his hipbone. 

“You’re gonna be begging for me to fuck you on your knees right in front of everybody, mm, by the time we’re ready to get out of here,” Tweek murmured, eyes glinting and his teeth gleaming in a smug grin as the lights slid over them briefly. He always got focused, deliberate when it was like this. No shaking, hardly any twitches, verbal tics to a minimum, and so completely direct. His brain was too dedicated to the task of ruining Craig to care or worry about anything else. “Just a shameless little wreck, grinding on my thigh like a dog in heat and whining like a bitch.”

“Jesus fuck _ ,”  _ Craig hissed, eyes sliding shut briefly as his movements faltered and he helplessly rubbed up against Tweek’s belly. They slid together, slightly friction-heavy, but Craig’s weak whimper was all the confirmation Tweek needed to know he was enjoying the bit of roughness. 

“I’m not Jesus,” Tweek taunted, arms sliding around his torso so he could grip his shoulders firmly, rake his nails down his back a little. Craig groaned, low but rumbly as it rasped from his chest, and Kenny stared, hard, as he hitched his hips forward and dry-humped against Tweek. “God, you’re already on your way to wrecked, baby, aren’t you?” Tweek asked rhetorically, amused as he pulled him into a sloppy kiss, grinding fluidly with and against Craig’s lanky form. It was a familiar dance, clearly well-practiced, as was the way Craig arched and panted into the open-mouthed, rough kiss Tweek pressed to the indent where his shoulder met his neck. Kenny was half certain he was either going to spontaneously combust or perhaps just die, quietly.

Kenny shifted his weight with a shiver, his uncomfortably hard dick pressed down the left leg of his pants, but he was too busy trying to catalogue everything unfolding before him to readjust. Tweek slid his hands up into Craig’s hair, briefly rubbing and petting at it before grabbing a fistful and  _ yanking.  _ Craig keened, soft but there, his head lolling back as he panted and tried to ride Tweek’s thigh. 

“You’re a fucking mess, darling,” Tweek groaned, leaving another wet bruise on his throat, unable to help biting just this side of a little too hard and making Craig whimper. They were both sweaty, Craig’s shirt nearly soaked through, and they messily thrusted into each other, Tweek growling every time he felt the solid, thick line of his cock press into his stomach. “You’re such a bitch, could turn you around right now and fuck you against this wall, couldn’t I? Pretty, little hole for me to use, huh?”  Tweek whispered, throaty and hushed but not nearly quiet enough. Kenny whined, very softly, and he wasn’t proud of it— but shit.

His eyes flicked over, taking in Kenny’s overall disheveled appearance, lingering at the rather obvious bulge in his jeans and smirking. “Jesus, Ken, I thought you were some sort of sex god. Weak, buddy, ngh, you haven’t even touched him yet.” 

“Like you can fucking talk,” Kenny snapped, cheeks flushing. “Look at you!”

“Look at him,” Tweek purred, directing his attention back to Craig, who was senselessly rolling his hips into Tweek, hunched down slightly and panting as he worked himself up. His hair was sweaty and tousled, falling into his dark, dark, unfocused eyes. His mouth was shiny with spit and rubbed red and sore, his body a sinuous, sinful thing as he dazedly let Tweek pull him closer. “Pretty boy,” Tweek sighed, sliding under his shirt again and tugging it up until Craig got the hint and raised his arms, allowing the entire tee to come off. “Look at my baby being so naughty.” His fingers slipped up to tug at his left nipple, and Kenny did a definite double take at the obvious glints of silver; fucking shit.

“Nipple rings?” Kenny hissed, incredulous. Tweek smiled lazily in reply at him and tugged at the right one next. Craig gasped, loud and shaky, and humped forward, grinding his throbbing dick against Tweek’s belly again. He was noticeably leaking, erection outlined in sordid, heady detail through the unforgiving fabric of his jeggings. The wet patch by the head didn’t help at all.

“Tweek,” Craig whined, gravelly and rough. “Fuck, please,” he begged, shuddering as he clumsily pawed at Tweek’s crotch. “I want your cock, please, please, mm, fuck me. Inside, inside, I want you to, ahhh, pound me,” he groaned, going easily into the kiss Tweek promptly offered. Tweek maneuvered him easily, Craig pliant and biddable as he went with every direction Tweek offered. 

“You just want a fat dick between your asscheeks,” Tweek admonished mockingly, beckoning Kenny over distractedly. “Any thick one will do, right? Can’t believe I’m in love with such a cockslut. Just a nice tight ass to fuck— and you love getting messy, too, don’t you?” Tweek growled, reaching past Craig’s hips to grab at Kenny’s instead. “Bet you’d drop to your knees right now for a pretty dick, no matter who it was attached to.”

“No, no, ‘m good,” Craig babbled, shuddering as Tweek deliberately ground himself against his thigh. “I’m good, I swear,” he whimpered, flushed and shaky, stomach tight with arousal. 

“You really trying to lie to me?” Tweek whispered, voice silken soft and devastatingly in control. “Like you wouldn’t hop on McCormick’s dick right now, mmm. You’d love it, you’d fucking cry for it. I’m not stupid, babe.” Craig squirmed helplessly, shaking his head but unable to say a word in his defense. It was nothing but true, and he started to hiccup weakly as he attempted to hide by covering his face clumsily with his hands. Drunk idiot. Tweek yanked Kenny forward, surprising everybody as, abruptly, a sandwich of boys with Craig in the middle was formed. 

“Don’t freak,” Tweek hummed, pushing Craig forward so his ass rocked back into the cradle Kenny’s hips. “S’just, ah, Kenny… just like you wanted, huh, sweetheart? Can’t fucking move without a dick rubbing on you, bet you’re in heaven you fucking cumslut.” 

Craig was clearly overwhelmed, shivering between their heated bodies and whimpering as he hid his face in Tweek’s shoulder, bending down and forcing himself to fit. He was sweaty, and shirtless, pupils blown and cock rock hard as he was unable to stop himself from grinding himself back on the thick erection pressing right up into his crack. They were clumsy to start, not sliding together quite right, so Tweek pushed Craig back, aggressive and demanding, until he was practically sprawled against Kenny. 

“There we go,” Tweek sighed, pushing his hair off his face as they all rocked together as one. Kenny groaned, guttural and deep, as Craig rubbed himself deliberately back against him. He smelled like musk, and sweat, and boy, and his citrus shampoo, and Kenny couldn’t resist a taste, nipping over one of his fresh hickies and growling as Craig weakly mewled and melted into him. 

“Fuck, he’s so, shit,” Kenny panted, Craig jerking against him as his movements become fairly erratic. Tweek hummed his agreement, tweaking one of his nipple rings again and watching his body arch up in response.

“Oh shit, stop, stop— well! Too late,” Tweek laughed thickly. Craig fell apart between them, hips hitching once, twice, before he jerked wildly and shuddered then went entirely limp; luckily Kenny caught the full weight of his useless ass. 

“Did he just?” Kenny sputtered weakly, whining just a bit. “Really?”

“Yeah, he, ngh, came,” Tweek sighed, chewing at his thumb aggressively with wide pupils. Craig whimpered in response, looking like he’d gotten full-on fucked rather than just grinded on. “You’re such an easy bottom bitch,” he snarked. “You weren’t supposed to come from that,” Tweek bubbled up in quiet laughter. Kenny felt too dazed and turned-on for that, his hips still subtly screwing in stomach-swooping, small circles against Craig’s tight ass. “We had plans, babes. Big plans. Your orgasm means, agh, tonight’s gonna end early,” Tweek scolded softly. “I guess I shouldn’t have poured  _ quite  _ as much alcohol as I did down your throat, you pussy lightweight.” 

“Fuck,” Kenny swore abruptly, clutching at Craig’s hips tightly enough to leave bruises as his stomach coiled tight and hot. “Gonna, shit, fuck, Craig,” Kenny groaned, long and low, as his belly clenched, wicked heat pooling in the pit of it. There was a tug in his balls, and then he was coming, helplessly rubbing himself off against Craig’s ass crack. Kenny muffled his shout by biting Craig’s shoulder, which made him cry out in turn, and cursed thickly as his cock jerked and spurted sticky wet into his poor briefs. “Shit,” he gasped, winded.

“Both of you are so fucking easy,” Tweek snorted, crossing his arms over his chest and cocking a hip. His erection was still outlined prominently in his own jeans, and Craig’s eyes were fixed on it, slitted with exhaustion and yet still committed to the dick. What a fucking champ. “Hmph, no you don’t,” Tweek scolded as Craig started to try and drop to his knees, looking absolutely wrecked. “We’re leaving, you’re a, ah, mess.” 

“Wanna dance,” Craig slurred softly, wavering on his feet as Kenny struggled to hold both their weights in his post-orgasm haze. 

“Both of you— utterly useless,” Tweek sighed, grabbing a wrist from each and starting to lead them back through the crowd. They followed obediently on legs as shaky as a newborn fawn, stumbling occasionally and definitely knocking into several people as they went. Tweek gave no shits as he finally got them through the herd and out by the door. He checked the bus schedule on his phone, leaving Kenny and Craig to lean against the wall.

“Shit,” Kenny sighed, running a hand through his damp hair and pulling a face at the uncomfortable way that the semen packed into his crotch was starting to dry. “Oh, uh.” He fumbled with Craig’s plaid shirt, which he’d tied around his waist. The tee shirt was long gone, left on the floor by where they were standing and likely trampled. He carefully slipped it on for Craig, who was still pretty out-of-it, eyes glazed and cheeks red as he leaned into Kenny’s touch almost subconsciously.

“He’s okay, I promise,” Tweek hummed, slipping under Craig’s right arm and nuzzling into him gently. “He gets like this after he comes,” he assured. “Soft, ah, kinda unfocused? It’s a little amplified from the tequila,” he admitted. “I got a little over eager, admittedly. It’s been a month since he let me fuck him, and I wanted to put on a show to, ngh, impress you, so I sort of way pushed his alcohol tolerance.” He gently rubbed at Craig’s side, kissing his shoulder. “That’s okay, Craig ruined it by coming in his pants like a little bitch from the feel of a dick rubbing up against his needy hole, so.” 

“Tweek,” Craig rasped, voice gruff and thick with shame. 

“What? You did! You ruined the party by getting overexcited and jizzing in your jeggings like a 14-year-old,” Tweek snorted, pinching his hip and smirking as Craig shifted his feet moodily and whined. “You’re such a sloppy drunk, honey.” He turned his attention to Kenny, one hand sliding into Craig’s back pocket and staying there.

“That was really fucking hot,” Kenny admitted, wrinkling his nose as he sheepishly grinned. “Shit, I didn’t know he had that in him.” Tweek shrugged with a grin, reaching out with his free hand to snag one of Kenny’s and squeeze.

“You look good when you come,” Tweek told him softly, focusing fully on Kenny for a bit. “You’re gorgeous too, big boy.” He laced their fingers almost shyly, tugging Kenny over to stand on his other side. He was so much shorter than them, but Kenny felt thoroughly cowed, in a comfortable way, with Tweek’s fearless stance. 

“You worked him over like it was your job,” Kenny complimented, voice tinged with awe. Tweek shrugged modestly.

“I’d love to work you over,” he admitted softly, eyes flicking up briefly to meet Kenny’s as he flashed a sharp smile, all teeth. “You got a nice ass, McCormick. You into any nicknames? Craig goes wild when you, ngh, call him baby boy, along with all the degradation.” 

“I’m not sure?” Kenny answered, slightly embarrassed. “I’ve been called some things before, but this, uh. This dynamic is new to me. Maybe just keep it to Ken and Kenny for the moment?”

“Absolutely. I want you as comfortable as you can be with this. I don’t, hh, wanna scare you off, we’re rather attached,” Tweek giggled, sighing and rolling his shoulders. “We’ll have to go over a proper list and everything tomorrow. That’s good. Kink negotiation and boundaries are, ah, good.” He perked up suddenly, grabbing Craig’s belt loops and then leading the way to the bus, which had just rumbled up.

They behaved on the way home, although Tweek still had a fucking boner for most of the ride. Kenny couldn’t stop staring at it. He almost felt bad for him. Craig seemed to be similarly preoccupied, to the point where Tweek shoved his head up and hissed, “My eyes are up here, shitface.” He caught Kenny next, flipping him off and then pulling his legs up so he was sitting hunched into himself with his feet on the seat. “I, gah, refuse to be judged. I’m not the one who came in my pants,” Tweek pointed out waspishly. Craig rested his cheek on his shoulder and chuckled, kissing his throat briefly.

Kenny was almost pulled into sleep by the time they were back on campus, groaning weakly as they stopped. He heaved himself up, making a particularly disgusted face as tacky cum rubbed between his thighs with each step. Fuck that. Craig was half-dead on his feet, ready to pass out as Tweek coaxed him off the bus and into the dorms. 

“Let’s do Craig’s room, he likes his bed. Says it, agh, smells like him— which it does. Can you text Clyde to stay in mine with Token?” Tweek directed as they got in the elevator. “He’s gonna hit the bed and start snoring immediately,” he sighed, clearly having firsthand knowledge with this phenomena. Despite his annoyed foot-tapping, the smile on his face was nothing but fond. Kenny hazarded a guess that pretty much a decade of dating would do that to you. His stomach fluttered as he briefly thought— no, that was dumb. Maybe. Maybe he’d be like that, with them, in a few years. 

Tweek barely got the door open for the room before Craig was blundering past, yanking his shoes off carelessly, wiggling out of all of his clothes with an impatient growl, then flopping onto his bed with a deep, satisfied groan. After a moment, he burrowed under the covers, then took a soft breath, snuggled in harder, and fell asleep. Almost instantly. 

“Jesus, you weren’t kidding,” Kenny muttered.

“Craig’s biggest talent ever is the uncanny ability to fall asleep anywhere, at any time, on command,” Tweek noted softly, biting his bottom lip before he started to strip. “He’s still got, ngh, his nasty ass briefs on. Filthy boy.” He turned to Kenny with a hum. “You can grab a shower,” he invited, settling on the bed beside Craig as he pulled off his pants. He wasn’t wearing anything beneath them, and Kenny recalled, with almost startling clarity, that Tweek hadn’t worn underwear since 4th grade. 

“You can look,” Tweek snorted, gesturing at himself. “You’re going to get intimately familiar with me… boyfriend.” Kenny shuffled his feet, ducking his head and grinning. 

“You’re right,” he admitted. “Sorry. Still a little in shock over all this. I’m gonna— hop in?” Kenny gestured towards the bathroom earnestly, and Tweek waved him off easily. Kenny turned on the tap and then shed his clothes like a protective skin, disgusted as he toed out of his underwear and quickly got into the still cold water. It warmed slowly on his skin, and he stood there for about five minutes, just letting the day wash over and off of him. Then he washed up using Craig’s bathing products, greedily inhaling the scent of his shampoo and shaking his head. 

Kenny emerged, refreshed and much more centered after a little alone time. He dropped the towel from around his waist without a hint of self-consciousness, tugging on a pair of Craig’s pajama bottoms and then making his way over to his bed with a faint pout. Craig sprawled over most of the bed, Tweek having shoved his way into a spot next to him, and Kenny, briefly, was sure he’d just have to take the floor.

“Nah,” Tweek said firmly, reaching over and tickling into Craig’s side; he instantly curled up with a grunt and there was suddenly room. It was a tight fucking squeeze, but Kenny had always loved a good cuddle pile. 

“We’ll have to get a bigger bed,” Kenny yawned without even thinking. Tweek looked at him from under his lashes with a grin, and Kenny flushed abruptly. “If, y’know. I dunno. It’s just an idea.”

“I like, agh, that you’re thinking of a future where we’re together,” Tweek answered softly, nuzzling into Craig’s shoulder and huffing. “For now, just jab him with your elbow if he gets too much. He’s a blanket stealer, absolutely shameless about it.” Then he switched off the light and burrowed into Craig with a happy grumble. It was quiet for a few minutes, and Kenny began to drift off, loving the body heat soaking into him and the bed. Craig was like a fucking furnace under the covers, and Tweek’s calloused fingers gently brushed into his rib cage from where his arm was slung over Craig’s prone form. Kenny finally fell asleep, feeling utterly content and like he fit. 

Craig woke up first the next morning, stretching grumpily on his mattress and huffing as he got a mouthful of thick, blond hair. “Tweek,” he groused, turning his head to the side. Normally that would’ve fixed his problem. Today, instead, he got another mouthful of hair. “What the fuck?” Craig hissed, sitting up swiftly. Well. Attempting to. There was a heavy leg and a lot of body weighing him down. He opened bleary eyes and grumbled, not used to two bodies sharing his space. Clyde hadn’t wanted to puppy pile in ages. That wasn’t… Clyde, though.

“What?” Craig hissed in surprise, shock filling him before he flushed a dull red throughout at the remembrance of last night. “Holy shit. I thought I dreamed that,” he deadpanned. Tweek grunted and kicked his hip.

“You didn’t. You really came in your pants, ah, and then had to be dragged home because you couldn’t handle three drinks,” Tweek mocked, but his eyes were soft as Craig met them. “Care to acknowledge the elephant in the room?”

“McCormick,” Craig murmured, turning his attention to the other man in his bed almost shyly. 

“Kenny,” Kenny answered firmly. “You rode my dick through my clothes last night. I get a Kenny.”

“Kenny,” Craig muttered, looking at him quietly. He was shirtless, hair fluffy and eyes still sleepy, lit up by the morning sun spilling into the room as he offered his signature gap-toothed smile. 

“We have a proposition for you, babe. I think you already know what it is, though,” Tweek yawned, stretching out with a grunt and then looking steadily at Craig, who rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Can I… can I hear it anyway?” Craig ground out, picking at a loose string on his coverlet.

“We’d both like to date you,” Kenny offered, sitting up and carefully putting his hand on Craig’s calf, giving it a brief squeeze. Craig looked up and met his eyes, frozen. “We’d all like to… date each other.”

“We want a poly relationship, ngh,” Tweek clarified even further, unwilling to beat around the bush. “Us exclusively dating each other, romantically.” He winked at Craig, who flushed again. “Doing couple things, date nights, movies, Netflix and chill, lots of mind-blowing sex.” 

“That,” Kenny said gratefully. “We can give you some time—“

“I want it,” Craig bit out rawly, not a single hint of hesitation in his tone. “I would love to date the hell out of you two. I think Tweek already knew that though.”

“I know everything,” Tweek confirmed cockily. “Like you’re gonna wanna, hh, shower in about a minute, because you slept in gross fucking cum-covered briefs, dumbass.” Craig shifted disbelievingly, then made an absolute horrified sound at the dried semen flaking off his thighs. 

“Eugh! Fuck that!” He jumped out of bed and immediately headed for the bathroom, peeling off the underwear and binning them before immediately getting in the shower and cleaning himself thoroughly from head to fucking toe, inside and out. It took him a full forty minutes, but he emerged, in clean pajama pants, to Tweek eating toast as Kenny made microwaved scrambled eggs, and Craig’s heart jumped as his belly dropped at the sight. Domestic. Cozy.  _ Good.  _

“I want,” Craig said firmly, leaning down and taking a huge bite from the piece of toast Tweek was currently buttering. He got a swat on the rear for his trouble and Kenny snorted, putting another few pieces of bread in the toaster.

“There’s bacon on the plate by the sink,” Tweek yawned, peering at his phone. Craig knew he was reading the news. He grabbed a few pieces of sad, microwaved bacon, eating it quickly as his stomach growled at him. Kenny offered him a plateful of eggs next and he accepted immediately, dumping a bunch of salt on them and digging in with a plastic fork and a muffled thanks. His toast popped up shortly after, and Craig wrangled some butter on before sitting beside Tweek at their tiny, rickety table and swiftly inhaling his breakfast before washing it down with a Capri Sun like a real adult™️. 

“Really?” Kenny giggled, as Craig sipped delicately at his juice pouch. He received a very eager middle finger for his trouble. 

“Let’s talk kinks and boundaries,” Tweek said brightly; Craig choked and spit tropical blast all over the table. “Craig, you’re so gross, fuck,” he sighed, wiping off his phone with a glare. “He’s ridiculous,” Tweek confided to Kenny. “He likes being choked and spanked and called a whore but god forbid you talk about sex and what you expect in the bedroom. Worst, ah, prude ever, dude.”

“ _ TWEEK,”  _ Craig hissed, cheeks on fire. 

“This is important, tell your definitely non-virgin ass to calm down,” Tweek replied sharply. “We don’t fuck with bodily fluids, besides, like, cum and sweat and spit. We don’t bring in strangers. Craig loves semi-public sex, gh, like the little voyeur bitch he is. He likes some of the milder BDSM stuff and so do I. He loves getting fucked, but he also has a great cock. I’m, ah, okay with either, too, although he’s made me partial to domming the hell out of my partners. Uhhhh. Barebacking, orgasm control and edging, rimming, facials, wax, bondage, throatfucking. There’s a, ngh, lot? He loves a good paddling. I love getting rough and marking.” 

Craig was staring at the floor, jaw tight. “I like, he likes. We like— collaring? I have one. And he’s got a bracelet that matches. We could… we could probably get you one.” He cleared his throat. “If you, I dunno. Wanted that at some point.”

Kenny whistled slowly. “Y’all filthy. Would’ve never guessed. So far everything sounds good. Do you have a system?”

“The standard colors one: red, yellow, green,” Craig answered, meeting his eyes challengingly. “And the ultimate stop everything safe word is Towelie.”

“Eugh,” Tweek huffed. “He’s only ever had to use it once. Worst night ever.”

“Sounds… fair?” Kenny assured. “I figure we can fuck each other in all sorts of ways? Like. I mean, all three of us is fun. Double penetration, spit-roasting, the good stuff, but I can fuck either of you separately too?” 

“That’s correct,” Craig was the one to answer. 

“Craig is insatiable so as many orgasms as we can squeeze out of him a day is best,” Tweek sighed in faux exasperation. “Also, good talk. Craig’s hard and I’m on my way there, hh, how about we try to figure out how to get him on both of our dicks?”

“So damn delicate with your words,” Craig grumbled. Tweek shrugged, hopping up with a mischievous look on his face. 

“I wanna fuck,” he said bluntly with a hum. “You’ve been holding out, ah, on me for a month and I miss being inside of you.” He lightly harassed Craig until he stood then pushed him towards the bed none too subtly. “C’monnnnn, I know you’re gagging for it too.”

“So?” Craig huffed, but he was eager as he stripped off his pajama bottoms and climbed onto the bed with a soft, content sigh. “That proves nothing.” He spread himself out with a happy growl, snuggling briefly into his blanket before rolling onto his back and half-sitting up with an expectant expression. “Now come wreck me.”

Tweek brazenly stripped, toast forgotten as he sat on the edge of the mattress and looked over at Kenny. He took the hint and shed his borrowed sleep pants on his way over to the bed. They all looked at each other nervously for a few moments before Craig made an impatient, desperate noise.

“I don’t want to beg,” he grit out, sighing as he looked away briefly. “But I will if I have to. Please fuck me. I feel like I’m going out of my fucking mind.” He rubbed at his face, trying to hide his spreading blush. Tweek cooed a little and pet one of his thighs as Kenny chewed his bottom lip. He never thought he’d see the day where Craig begged for dick. 

“Here, I wanna show you how he falls apart,” Tweek hummed, suddenly sharp, focused. He was in his element again. He pointed at the bedside drawer. “There’s a huge bottle of half-used lube in there. Can you grab it? Craig loves it when it’s really wet.” Kenny quickly fumbled the dresser open and procured the bottle, handing it to Tweek eagerly. Craig shifted slightly and sighed, drooping a little in relief as he heard him fumble with the cap for a moment. 

“Actually…” Tweek closed the lid again and put it on the bed to the side, unused. “Pay attention, Kenny, I’m gonna show you how to properly seduce one Craig Tucker.” Craig made a disgusted sound, trying to sit up with an absolutely thunderous look on his face, but Tweek stopped him in his tracks by crawling into his lap. He opened his mouth, no doubt to protest or otherwise bitch, and Tweek pulled him into a kiss. That was the eternal best way to shut him up. Before Craig could get too put out, he slipped his hands up and got one cupping the back of his neck, scratching lightly at his nape, as the other greedily stroked through the longer strands of his soft, thick hair.

“He loves his hair messed with, and he’s weak, ah, for scratches on his scalp and back,” Tweek pulled back long enough to note, Craig’s body already relaxing down into the sheets as Tweek played with his hair. He pressed in for another kiss, biting at his bottom lip teasingly before humming as Craig gasped and allowed him to slide his tongue into his mouth. When he slightly shifted his hips, Craig stiffened a bit, stomach muscles contracting as his erection brushed against his thighs. This time when Tweek broke off the kiss, a small strand of saliva connected their lips for a few moments, Craig blinking slowly up at him with blown pupils.

“After he’s started to melt into the bed like a puddle, I like to go for the nipples,” Tweek remarked offhandedly, flashing Kenny a brief smile. He was watching with wide eyes, looking fairly casual as he watched people he’d considered friends for years engage in foreplay, but there was a tense watchfulness in his body that reminded Tweek of the look that a cat had when preparing to pounce. Craig wouldn’t stand a chance. 

“So you try now,” Tweek directed, shuffling back a little and gesturing at a very disheveled Craig. Kenny hesitated for just a moment, then eased up on his knees and crouched over him, reaching out a careful hand to grip his jaw and thumb at his plush bottom lip. 

“You ready?” Kenny asked softly. Craig met his eyes and nodded as best as he could with his jaw cupped. After a tiny hitch of his breath, nervous, Kenny leaned down and pressed their lips together. Craig immediately deepened it, one of his arms slinging over his shoulder and immediately pulling him closer. Kenny went willingly, bracing himself against the headboard as he nipped at his bottom lip and then greedily muffled the faint sigh that escaped following said action. They made out languidly for a full two minutes, not bothering to pull away for air until Craig suddenly jerked back with a startled groan. Kenny blinked slowly, head a bit fuzzy, and turned his attention back to Tweek for a moment. 

“He’s got these piercings, yeah? And he was sensitive even before them,” Tweek hummed, settling himself more firmly in Craig’s lap before reaching over and giving the left one another vicious tweak. Craig huffed softly and twitched beneath his weight, unable to help his response again. “So after… man. He loves having them played with.” 

Kenny settled himself against the mattress in a more secure position before, on utter impulse, bending over and pressing the flat of his tongue right against the rosy bud of his nipple. His tongue stud clanked against Craig’s and he briefly flinched and accidentally caught him with his teeth. That earned him an actual whimper, and he couldn’t resist grazing against it again just for the throaty whine that came after. 

“That’s perfect,” Tweek hummed, giving Kenny’s thigh a quick squeeze. “Look at how hard he is now.” They both leaned back for a moment just to admire and Craig couldn’t help but squirm a bit under the scrutiny. Kenny had to admit it was a pretty sight. His cheeks were red and the blush had spread down to his chest, his hair was an utter disaster after Tweek’s messy ministrations, his pupils were so dilated only a thin ring of blue was left of his iris, his lips were swollen and a little irritated from the rough treatment, as were his nipples, and his cock was so hard and flushed, resting flat against his belly as he dribbled pre-cum and smeared it sticky over his heated skin. 

Kenny was a little winded as he realized they’d really just made out and fucked with his nipples a bit, and he was already this wrecked. Tweek cleared his throat and eased back even further so he had easy access to Craig’s ass. 

“Now we can get the lube out,” he noted in satisfaction. “You really can’t use too much when it comes to us,” Tweek snorted, pouring a generous amount into his palm and setting the bottle, thankfully closed, on the bed beside himself. He warmed the lube between his fingers for a moment, then placed a steadying hand on Craig’s left thigh and lightly grazed his slick fingers against Craig’s tight hole. 

“Ooh fuck, baby, you’re so tense,” Tweek cooed, beginning to gently trace the rim. “Been a long time, huh? Not so stretched out and just ready to take it on a whim. Poor thing.” He started to work a finger in, looking fondly at how Craig was already breathing heavy and shivering, the muscles in his stomach tense and jumpy. “He really does look best full of something,” Tweek noted. “He’s too tight though, can you do, hh, me a favor?”

“Yeah, course,” he agreed, eyes still stuck on Craig. 

“Can you tease his dick a bit? Some touches, maybe a little kiss?” Tweek hummed, smirking as the tip of his index finger slid in just a bit past his rim. “Nothing wild, he’s not allowed to come yet, but I wanna start stretching him out and he’s too excited.” 

“Yes,” Kenny reiterated, looking at Craig quietly for a moment. Emboldened by the soft pants escaping his red mouth, Kenny leaned over and carefully skimmed his fingers down his shaft. He had a nice cock, long more so than thick, like all skinny, tall boys seemed to possess, and it was hard and eager, resting on his lower belly and smearing pre-cum into his navel with every faint jerk of his hips down onto Tweek’s hand.

“You’re so pretty,” Kenny sighed, smiling as Craig stared at him challengingly, dick twitching against his tummy. “That’s good, I like that.” He pushed at his thigh, spreading him wider so Tweek had more room. “I bet you’d look really nice tied to this bed,” he murmured, startling a laugh out of Tweek as Craig flushed again.

“He does, and he loves it,” Tweek gloated, unable to help his triumphant huff as his first finger finally slid in. Kenny cupped Craig’s balls in one hand, rolling them a little as he leaned down and exhaled a hot breath against the head of his cock. Craig’s hips immediately thrusted up on pure instinct, and Tweek gasped as the second finger he’d been nudging at his hole with dipped in beside the first. 

“Just like that,” Tweek praised a bit breathlessly, his own erection throbbing angrily at being blatantly ignored. Kenny smirked as he dipped down and pressed a kiss to the tip of Craig’s dick, unable to resist darting his tongue out for a quick kitten lick. Craig shouted and flexed his pelvis upwards with a ragged pant.

“Holy fuck,” he groaned, voice low and a bit gravelly. Kenny was almost shocked before he remembered it was unlikely Craig had ever felt a tongue stud teasing his slit. Fucking nice. He tentatively pinned his hips down with one hand and went back for another lick, slowly running his tongue up the length of Craig’s shaft and giving the head a gentle suck— then pulling away with a husky laugh as Craig started to whine and complain.

“Stop teasing,” he grumbled, panting thickly as he forcefully rocked back, body opening easily for Tweek now. He was working on fucking Craig’s tight hole now, three fingers in as he crooked them just right and stroked over his prostate, resulting another hip jerk and loud mewl. 

“God, you’re such a shithead when you haven’t been getting daily dick,” Tweek muttered, jabbing his prostate again and making him spasm and gasp. “If you don’t quit it I’ll go grab the cockring and you can’t come until after we both have,” he scolded, making Craig shut up with the most surly look on his face. Tweek shook his head and turned his focus to Kenny. 

“Do you wanna add a couple here? Unless I’m going for fucking fisting on our first date, he’s gonna need more stretching than one of my hands can provide for, uh, both of us.” Kenny slipped in beside Tweek, Craig briefly tossing an arm over his face to hide it. “Just wait until we’re in him, all this faux shyness disappears and he’s gonna be blathering like a smug idiot,” Tweek huffed as Kenny quickly squirted some lube onto his hand. He was a little too eager, slightly shaky and accidentally shoving two in beside Tweek’s three, and Craig hissed. He nearly apologized and started to pull his fingers back out, but then Craig  _ clenched  _ and growled.

“Don’t you even fucking try,” he threatened, closing his eyes and gripping at his pillow a bit helplessly as he rolled his ass back. “I’m almost ready, I want it to hurt a little. I wanna feel the burn of the stretch. Kenny, you go beneath me and Tweek you’ll stay on top. I want, ahh, I want to be squished between you two.” Craig ran a hand down his own chest and then briefly tugged at one of his nipple rings, hair falling into his eyes as he rocked back with every slightly uncoordinated slide of their fingers. 

“He’s right,” Tweek confirmed. “When he starts getting, nh, bossy like that, only dick daze will shut him up again for a minute.” Kenny raptly watched as Craig started to full-on fuck himself on their hands, swallowing tightly as he felt the soft, tight heat of him eagerly clench around his fingers. 

“Shit,” he muttered, using his free hand to briefly stroke himself a little, trying to ease some of the tension building up deep in the pit of his stomach. “Do we want to— get into position maybe?” They all paused for a moment, slight trepidation bleeding into the room. Finally, Craig started to sit up, an absolute mulish expression on his face.

“I want to get fucked, c’mon, stop lazing around,” he panted, looking at them challengingly. Craig was gorgeous like this, all dark eyes and pretty scarred thighs parted as his rib cage gently heaved for breath. Kenny itched to wreck him. He moved even before Tweek, easing his fingers out of Craig and wiping his hand on the sheets, before settling his hands on Craig’s hips. He shifted him upwards and slipped beneath and behind him, grunting as his dick bumped into Craig’s back and left a wet streak. 

“Okay, shit, that’s good,” Kenny muttered, using a careful hand to hold his in-the-way erection back. “Craig, turn around and crawl into my lap like you’re gonna ride me, and then Tweek can get you doggystyle.” He waited with bated breath as Tweek withdrew his hand and leaned back, watching Craig shift around with a bunch of soft, unintelligible mumbling until he was hovering over Kenny’s lap expectantly. 

“Let go of your fucking boner, dumbass, it’s gonna have to go beneath me,” Craig panted, glaring down at him. Kenny obediently released his dick with a sheepish smile, and Craig instantly sank down so it was sandwiched between his ass cheeks. Kenny inhaled so hard he nearly choked.

“Holy shit,” he wheezed, unable to help himself from an aborted thrust upwards. Craig braced himself up, using Kenny’s chest for stability as he glanced back at Tweek.

“Lube, lots of it, I want us fucking sliding around or I won’t be able to walk tomorrow,” Craig sighed, rolling his hips back idly against Kenny’s cock. “And since it’s his first time with us, Kenny gets to get in first, then you, Tweek,” he commanded, adjusting himself again. Kenny twitched with a disgruntled noise as a wet, slippery fist suddenly grasped his cock and pumped it a few times, but forced his hips to stay still. Tweek shot him a cheeky grin over Craigs shoulder and there was more lube dripping down into his pubes as he slicked Craig’s ass up thoroughly inside and out. 

“You’re good to go, babe,” he murmured, kissing Craig’s shoulder and nuzzling his throat. Craig took a deep, shuddering breath and raised himself imperiously, looking Kenny directly in the fucking eyes as he used his fingertips to keep his cock still and slowly sank down on it until his ass was cradled by Kenny’s hips, fully flush. They both froze for a moment, Craig utterly satisfied now that he was finally  _ full,  _ and Kenny trying not to curse out god at the tight, warm, and soft inside of Craig Tucker’s ass. 

“Isn’t it nice?” Tweek sighed, grinning at Kenny as he shivered and squeezed Craig’s waist, panting thickly beneath him. “Like heaven, right? My favorite place, honestly.” Craig laughed breathily and slowly raised up before sliding back down. Kenny whined, long, low, breaking a little bit at the end. Craig smirked and rolled his ass down, hips working in loose, sloppy figure-eights as he couldn’t resist a brief ride. Kenny thrusted up after a moment, helpless, and Craig moaned, head dropping back as he worked himself down on Kenny’s dick.

“Simmer down for a, hh, second,” Tweek scoffed, lightly smacking Craig’s right ass cheek and shaking his head at the wavering moan that produced. “You’re not allowed to come before we’re both in there. I’m talking to both of you needy bastards.” Pouty, Craig stilled his hips obediently and half-raised up so Tweek could maneuver into proper position. Just for good measure, Tweek poured another generous dollop of lube on his own dick, then eased forward so he was pressed up against Kenny’s shaft and Craig’s entrance. He slowly started to push in, grunting at the tight squeeze having another cock in there gave. Impatient, Tweek finally just shoved in and accidentally bottomed out in one go, and  _ everybody  _ gasped.

“Holy fuck,” Craig wheezed, feeling like his lungs were in a vice grip. He’d never been so full in his entire fucking life. A full-body shudder wracked his form, and both men inside him grunted at the sensation. It was sensory overload. They could only sit in stupor for a full minute, barely breathing. 

“Jesus Christ,” Tweek finally gritted out, twitching. “Kenny, buddy, I normally have pretty fucking good stamina so please don’t judge my prowess on this, deal?” he muttered, strained. Kenny murmured a weak ascent, shifting slightly and making everybody groan at the jostling. “God, who wants to try and move first?”

“Me,” Craig growled, raising up slightly and then immediately sliding back down as his knees gave out. “Fuck, nevermind, I feel like an, ahhh, over cooked noodle,” he whined, shivering as his cock twitched and dripped a bit of pre-cum down his shaft. Kenny tentatively gave a thrust, stomach clenched tight as he groaned, guttural and low, at the clench of Craig's ass and strange but not unwelcome feel of Tweek’s dick dragging beside him. 

“Oh shit,” Tweek swore, thrusting right after. Craig made a weak noise, sinking down until he was resting most of his weight on Kenny.

“Tch, try to, unf, thrust together, not, ohhh, separately,” Craig whimpered, smudging his cheek against Kenny’s sweaty chest and arching his back as Tweek pressed down on top of him for better leverage. 

“Sorry, sweetheart,” Tweek hissed. “It’s not as easy as porn makes it look, but when is it ever?” He started to pull out as Kenny did, and they fumbled through a couple more off-key thrusts before they nailed sliding in at the same time; Craig just about cried. “That the good stuff?” Tweek panted, trying to laugh but too out of breath. Kenny growled and dug his nails into Craig’s sides, getting increasingly worked up.

After another fumble, they seemed to get it mostly right, thrusting in and out at more or less the same time and making Craig absolutely lose his fucking mind. He felt like a ragdoll manhandled between the both of them, and it made his cock throb and dribble non stop, smearing hot pre-cum all over Kenny’s stomach as he let them pound his eager ass. 

“I— I can’t,” Kenny hiccuped, burying his face in Craig’s neck and biting down as his hips hitched a few times and he was abruptly coming with a muffled, thick groan, warm gooey heat filling Craig and dribbling back out immediately as Tweek kept mindlessly thrusting, making a big, sticky mess between the three of them. “Fuck,” he rasped, nudging at Craig until he could kiss him. Well, it was more like Craig open-mouthed panting with his eyes screwed shut into the kiss.

“Craig,” Tweek growled, gripping his hips too tightly and grunting as Kenny slowly slid out, getting cum everywhere and easing the slide. “Tighten up,” he ordered, Craig whining, beyond words, in reply. A loud smack rang throughout the room and Craig jolted with a mewl at the spank, automatically clenching with renewed vigor around Tweek’s cock. “I want you to come,” he muttered, biting at the back of his neck a little. Craig sniffled, hunching into himself as Tweek started to rabbit his hips, pounding Craig’s sore ass fast and hard enough the bed slammed into the wall. 

Kenny gently thumbed at his tears and cooed, a satisfied puddle on the bed and enjoying his front row seat to Craig getting destroyed. “You gonna come for us, baby boy?” he murmured sweetly. Craig half-sobbed as his body seized up and he finally found his release, the tight, burning coil in his belly snapping. His cock spurted cum in sticky, thick strings all over Kenny’s belly, smearing it filthily as Tweek continued to thrust for another minute, Craig weakly crying as his orgasm twitched him through blinding aftershocks. Kenny soothed him softly, one hand finger-combing his hair.

“Fuck, fuck, ngh, hah,” Tweek groaned as he finally came, leaving bruises on Craig’s sides from how tightly he’d gripped him. As soon as he felt like his brain was back online, he pulled out and watched Craig’s absolutely destroyed hole struggle to clench shut and fail, cum slowly oozing down his perineum and then dripping onto Kenny’s poor thighs. There was just. Fluids everywhere. Cum, sweat, lube, tears… they’d definitely have to change the sheets on this biohazard before daring to sleep. 

“Holy shit,” Kenny whistled, still a little winded. Tweek giggled weakly. Craig was too busy shivering and quietly trying to recall how to use his body and maybe get his brain back online, too, while he was at it. Tweek slowly, stiffly got up and disappeared into the bathroom for a moment. The sound of running water started up, and he was back shortly after. 

“I’m drawing a bath, I added his favorite, gah, bath bomb and I’ve got soft 80’s playing— I want you to carry him in there when it feels like you can stand,” Tweek directed expectantly, shuffling to the fridge and grabbing a few Gatorades, then a box of cheez-its as well as a baggie of apple slices. He returned to the bathroom. Kenny took stock of his limbs and then carefully eased out from under Craig and stood up, only wobbling, like, 5%. He gently scooped up Craig’s useless, gangly self and carried him to the restroom, where he immediately slid him into the bath. 

“You good?” Kenny asked him softly. Craig looked at him a bit blankly and then relaxed into the steamy, galaxy-themed water with a groan.

“Join him, I’ll be there in a, ngh, second,” Tweek hummed, pulling a bunch of fluffy, big towels out and setting them on the sink. “He’s gonna be hazy for a couple minutes, but try to get him to at least drink a bit, if you can? He gets like this after a good orgasm or five. I don’t wanna, ngh, get too fancy with terms right now since that was fairly vanilla for us, but. We call it ‘under’. He needs to be pampered and cared for and, ah, reassured until he’s come down again.” Tweek went out and stripped the bed and changed the sheets, throwing the disgusting ones into a laundry bag to be forgotten about for two weeks.

“Craig?” Kenny hummed, climbing into the bath beside him with a soft sound. Craig made a quiet whine and climbed over to settle between his legs and lean back into his chest with a happy sigh. Kenny placed a very gentle kiss to the knobs of his spine, then grabbed the Gatorade and unscrewed it, offering it to him. Craig accepted a few sips and then curled into him, quiet again. Kenny set the drink to the side and used his cupped hands like a patient idiot to saturate Craig’s hair with water. Once it was drenched, he grabbed the shampoo and slowly scrubbed it into his pretty locks. 

“That feel good?” Kenny cooed as Craig arched into his touch like a purring kitten. He got a soft exhale as an answer, along with an enthusiastic huff when Kenny started to rinse it out carefully, avoiding his eyes. Tweek finally came back, having completely taken care of their mess and prepared the bed.

“Oh you dummy,” he said affectionately, pointing out the very convenient cup that was by the faucet. “That’ll make it, hh, go a lot faster. Did he drink at all?”

“Yes, I did,” Craig muttered, voice scratchy and low. Tweek sank down into the bath, almost slopping water everywhere as they forced the tub to handle 3 grown men. It was a tight squeeze but nobody had any desire to complain. Except the tub. The tub groaned loudly to express its displeasure with the situation, and they ignored it like champions. 

“Apples or cheez-its first?” Tweek asked next, opening the conditioner and pouring a quarter-sized dollop onto Craig’s head. He handed Kenny a comb and watched with satisfaction as he began to work the conditioner through Craig’s hair with it. 

“Apples,” Craig sighed, smirking a bit as he was handfed a few slices by Tweek.

“I know you’re thinking, ah, royalty, babe, but it comes off way more bratty pony,” Tweek told him with a snort. Craig flipped him off and Tweek perked up. The return of assholishness meant Craig was back with them properly. He let Kenny rinse the conditioner, and after a brief, way more focused on fondling rather than getting clean, session with the shower gel, he got Craig out of the tub and bundled him in the biggest, fluffiest towel they had. “Drink an entire bottle of water, eat some cheez-its, lounge on the bed,” Tweek ordered, Craig nodding and immediately shuffling out of the bathroom to do so.

“That was… intense,” Kenny piped up, hauling himself upright in the tub to stand next to Tweek. He grinned, eyes bright, and asked, “Is it always like that?”

“Yes,” Tweek answered gratefully, letting the stopper out and closing the shower curtain on them. “C’mon, let’s do a quick, proper rinse.” He turned the faucet on again, fiddling with the taps briefly before yanking the stop up and humming as hot water began to shower down on them. He quickly shampooed, Kenny following slightly sluggishly. “He’s really good at sex and he gets super into it, and we’re, gh, kinky, so. I like to think our sex is usually this wild,” he remarked dryly, beginning to rinse his hair. Conditioner was next, and he left it in as he gave himself a quick scrub with soap. 

“That sounds fantastic, I’m all in,” Kenny finally said, a smile quirking his mouth. He took the soap next and gave his thighs and crotch a thorough cleaning, making sure no lingering cum was left behind. They took turns rinsing, then Tweek shut off the water as Kenny immediately wrapped himself in a towel, shivering. 

“You all get cold so fast. Grow a pair, mph, we live in Colorado,” Tweek snorted. “Craig keeps the thermostat at precisely 69 degrees, and god help you if you ever, ah, try to touch it.” Kenny looked at him, disgruntled.

“I literally have a parka at all times, idiot. Of course I get cold,” he snorted affectionately, bumping him gently as Tweek climbed out and grabbed his own towel. He rolled his eyes and headed out of the bathroom to the living area. Just as promised, Craig had thrown on a pair of briefs, crawled into bed, chugged a bottle of water, and now he was casually devouring handfuls of cheez-its like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. He had his laptop out on the bed watching something on Netflix and looked the epitome of relaxed. Ah, the wondrous side effects of a good dicking down. 

Tweek and Kenny exchanged a very unsubtle high five. Craig gave them both a fairly unimpressed look before turning back to Netflix with a grumble. Kenny put the borrowed pajama bottoms from earlier back on, then slid in behind Craig to spoon him under the covers. Tweek briefly considered attempting to put together some real food for them, but the warmth and closeness of a cuddle pile was too much and he instead sidled to the other side of the bed and climbed in to curl into Craig’s other side. 

Domestic and cosy, Tweek combed Craig’s hair as Kenny braided his, enjoying the mutual bonding, before Tweek then brushed Kenny’s out next, unable to help his laughter at how flat and straight it got when it was wet. They ordered pizza from the tiny restaurant downtown and scheduled delivery for as soon as possible, then decided to watch The Bee Movie, because it was always a good time to watch that iconic garbage pile. 

Kenny handled the delivery guy when he showed up, Tweek busy rubbing lotion into Craig’s shoulders. Pampered little fuck. They ate greasy pizza out of the box like the starving teenagers they were, before Craig acquiesced to taking some Advil to try and prevent soreness later. Craig then initiated another puppy pile, and they all snuggled, occasionally munching on cheez-its or sipping from a Gatorade, before starting to doze off again after an hour, everybody thoroughly exhausted. 

Of course, that’s when Clyde busted in.

“Heyyyy— oh my god, the room smells like you doused it in fucking spunk,” he gagged, pinching his nose shut. “This was not what I had in mind when I told you to fix him, Tweek!”

Tweek shrugged smugly. “I fixed your grumpy ‘Craig not getting enough cock problem’, buddy. Not my fault, agh, it’s now ‘Craig has two wonderful boyfriends and they’re gonna have a lot of kinky sex in this room, often and loudly’. That sounds like, hh, a you problem.” A dismayed groan was Clyde’s only answer and a very smug Craig wrapped an arm around each of his boyfriends.

“Fuck off, Clyde,” he told him.

**Author's Note:**

> in case u don't hate me somehow: [my tumblr](https://craigtherewhoisahomosexual.tumblr.com/)  
> if u do.,,, me too buddy lmfaooooo  
> there will be more to this verse, eventually,,, it a good verse


End file.
